Home again!

Just got out of the hospital this afternoon.  I'm feeling a little weaker than last time, but Dr. Morris said that was to be expected.  They cut open exactly where they cut before, so it's like bruising a bruise.  Other than a little weakness, I feel great.  I have a good appetite and some mighty good pain drugs.  lol.  The surgery went well.  They took out lymph nodes and took out some more skin in the breast area, and Dr. Morris said it looked good.  We, of course, have to wait for the pathology report.  God was with me the whole time and I have never felt so at peace.  How do people do this without their faith?  Remember when I told you about the rainbow when Tom and I drove home to Cloquet?  Well, God is promising again.  When I laid down in my hospital bed, I found a channel that just had music and beautiful nature scenes.  Guess what the first scene was?  A beautiful rainbow!!!!  All I could say was "Thank you God" for your promise.  I know I'll be fine with all these promises and support from everyone!  I must sound like a broken record, but I appreciate your prayers and support more than you'll ever know.  Please keep them coming!  We'll be staying at Erin's house until Wednesday when I get the drains out.  Lori will be helping every a.m. with the dressing and Tom and I will be cleaning the drains 2 times a day.  Just think .... I have passed another hurdle !!  Yippee!!  Tom and I have our anniversary coming up on Friday.  We'll be married 33 years!!  I think a dinner from Applebee's "Carside" is in order!  I can taste the steak already!  Love to all of you ... every night you are in MY prayers, I thank God for you!

Surgery ... bright and early Monday a.m.

I have just been lounging around these last few days.  Love being able to take a shower!  Can't get enough of that.  I called the nurse's hotline today to see if I could take off the steristrips on the masectomy incision and she said I could.  Now ... that's progress.  Get 'em off in time to get new ones on!  lol.  Region's Hospital called with surgery instructions.  I have to BE THERE by 5:30 a.m.  I won't need any anesthetic ... I'll just sleep through it because it's so early in the a.m.  Actually, surgery is at 7:30 a.m. and it will be about a 2 hour procedure.  I'll stay overnight and head home on Tuesday.  Thank you to all who have given me sooooo much encouragement and prayers ... keep 'em coming!!!  I love you guys!  God is good and He hears our prayers.  I'll update you after surgery ... probably Tuesday!  MMwwwwah.  (That's a kiss!)

Surgery ... again.

After consulting with the surgeon today, it was determined that I will have surgery again on Monday, October 25th at 7:30 a.m.  Please send some prayers up to God.  They will be taking out some more lymph nodes.  I have the utmost confidence in my surgeon and when I get through this one, I'll have some time to heal before I start the chemotherapy.  I am looking forward to beginning the healing process.  God will be with me the entire way ... of that I am sure.  Thank you so much for all your prayers and support.  You can't possibly know how much that lifts me up.  I am overwhelmed.

Act Three - Recovering from Surgery

I have been in the best of hands with my sister-in-law, Diane.  We have been doing everything on the "list".  Exercises, walking, draining the tube, changing the dressings ... she is faithful in doing this and making sure I'm doing my part too.  I feel stronger every day.  I had a bit of a "set-back" today when I called the surgeon to reschedule an appt.  3 of the 6 lymph nodes showed cancer.  There may be more lymph nodes taken out and chemo is a "for-sure".  I can't allow myself to get down because with the size of the tumor, that was very likely.  We'll just take one step at a time.  I appreciate all your support and ask that you continually keep me in your prayers.  It is one thing that makes all of this easier.  I know God will give me the strength to face whatever lies ahead ... He's not going to leave my side now .... we've just begun the fight!!!

Act Two - Surgery and Recovery

What a hectic day!  Surgery was scheduled for 4:00 p.m. (10/11) and we were to be at the hospital at 1:00.  I got a call and someone's surgery was cancelled and could I come in for 3:00 surgery instead.  Sure!!  So, I took my shower (and scrubbed the incision site for 5 minutes -- do you know how long that is???) and we hustled down to the hospital.  Boom ... everything went into action.  Dye shot in the breast to highlight the lymph nodes in surgery and then the surgeon is talking to me and then the anethesiologist, then the nurse and then and then and then .... I was in surgery at 2:00 p.m.  All of your prayers must have been going up to God because everything went so well.  The surgery was 2 hours 45 minutes.  I guess the surgeon came out grinning because the lymph nodes they took out all came back (so far) with no cancer in them and the tumor came out just as he planned.  The tumor was 9 centimeters!!!  We will have to wait until Thursday to see if the prognosis on the lymph nodes stays cancer-free.  Keep those prayers coming.  I got back to my room about 7:30 p.m. and Tom, Lori, Wendy, Erin, Toby and Diane were all waiting for me.  How nice it was to be surrounded by loved ones.  Terry came down about 9:00 p.m. and stayed about 1/2 hour.  Everyone was gone by 9:30 and then I tried to sleep.  However the nurse call button on my remote had different ideas.  It kept going off every 8 minutes from 10:00 to 1:00.  Finally they had to have someone come and fix it.  I managed to sleep about 2 hours.  Does anyone ever get any rest in hospitals?  This morning, Lori, Wendy, Erin and Jack came up to visit me with balloons and candy.  The girls all made me a beautiful fleece pink ribbon blanket.  That will keep me cozy warm.  Right now I'm waiting for the dr. to come and discharge me!!  I feel great and keep those prayers coming!!  Thank you!

Act One - Pre-Op Jitters

Well, tomorrow is "show time".  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit nervous.  But, I'm more anxious to get started on the road to recovery than I am nervous of the surgery.  I feel confident with the surgeon and staff at Regions and I know I'll have God by my side.  Tomorrow at this time, I'll have jumped a big hurdle!  Thank you everyone for your support and prayers.  You can't even imagine how much that means to me.  You're the best!

Show Time --- Surgery

Today, October 8, 2010, I went to see another surgeon and this one "clicked" right away.  He made me feel so at ease and was very upbeat about the prognosis.  It's not going to be a picnic, but I didn't suspect it would be.  But, at least we're getting to the "do something about it" stage and not the "how bad is it" stage.  I will be having surgery done Monday, October 11th at 4:00 p.m.  I'm not afraid to do this as I know I will never be alone in this journey.  God will be by my side ..... as he's always been.  Please dear friends, keep me in your prayers?

The Quest for the Best (for me)

Yesterday, October 6, 2010, Tom and I met with the surgeon.  I never really understood the importance of "clicking" with people who have your life in their hands before.  We did not click.  She made me feel more guilty about not coming in sooner (I'm already beating myself up for that one) and then her, "are you allergic to mammograms" remark really turned me off.  She was unprepared and was asking US questions about the MRI and PET scans.  Ummmmmm ........ isn't that their job?  Then, she just didn't seem very confident about removing it and she went on and on and on about reconstructive surgery.  Like if I didn't get this reconstructive surgery I wouldn't be me .......... hello????  My left breast does NOT define WHO I am!!!   To make a long story short, I e-mailed my Oncologist and told him I didn't feel comfortable with her as my surgeon.  He called me this a.m. at 7:50 a.m. to tell me that by all means I should see another surgeon.  I have that right.  And dang it, I'm going to use it!  :)  Someone will be calling me tomorrow to set up an appointment with another surgeon.  I'll either be seeing him tomorrow or first thing next week.  Let's hope the "shoe" fits.

In the Beginning

It started April, 2006 as I was dog-sitting at my daughter Michelle's house.  I was reading a book and had an "itch" on my upper left breast.  I reached down to rub it and felt a lump.  Immediately, my stomach churned and I could feel the blood leave my head.  No .... can't be.  It will go away, it's nothing. I started praying immediately for God to make it go away.  At times it did seem to go away.  Sometimes I could feel it and sometimes not.  Sometimes it felt smaller.  I didn't do anything about that lump until September 2010.  For 4 1/2 years I kept it a secret.  I justified it in my head with "well, I feel fine" or "if it doesn't get bigger in a year (then 2, then 3, then 4), it can't be cancer.  My outlook on life changed ... I looked at every holiday, birthday, vacation, etc. as "this may be my last".  I worried that an accident would happen or I would get sick and have to go to the hospital or doctor and they would discover the lump.  I felt myself being stressed about it more and more often and I continually prayed and bartered with God.     Finally, on September 27th while I was staying with my daughter Erin, when I went to bed, I prayed.  "God, I can't do this anymore ... I give this to you.  Show me what to do."  The next morning I talked to Tom who said I should stop at Wal Mart on the way home and pick up some cat food.  I said  I would and still had no intention of saying anything to anyone.  Well, God had other plans.  I went upstairs and Erin asked if I would like to take Jack home with me for a couple of days so he could get his "nana time".  I immediately burst into tears.  Erin asked what was wrong and I blurted out, "I have a lump!"  I didn't say those words ... God pushed them out of my mouth. 

Erin immediately went into action.  We made a dr. appointment with her doctor in the cities and by that afternoon, I was facing my worst fears.  Michelle dropped everything at work and came to Erin's and the two of them accompanied me to the appointment.  My doctor called down to Region's Hospital and late afternoon, I had a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy.  When I went into the mammogram, the nurse asked me how I was doing and I started crying.  She gave me time to compose myself and then we proceeded with the tests.  By the time I had the biopsy, I had much time to talk to God.  The doctor left the room to get the biopsys to pathology and when she returned, she said "I don't know what happened from the time you came in here to now, but you seem so at peace."  God's love and peace was visible!!!!! Tom came down to the cities as fast as he could.  Now for the waiting. 

On Wednesday I got the call that the breast was cancerous.  I felt the gambit of emotions!!  I cried, I was angry, I wanted to scream, cry and curl up in a ball at the same time.  I wanted to know why I would win this lottery (8 in 1 chance of developing breast cancer).  The radiologist set up a CT/PET scan, an MRI and bloodwork for Friday.  Tom and I drove home to Cloquet on Wednesday night.  All the way home, I was trying to process what was happening.  I continued to pray ..... constantly.  When we reached our home in Cloquet, it started to rain.  When I went to get out of the car, there was the most beautiful DOUBLE rainbow in the sky.  I immediately started crying .... to me that was God's way of saying "it's going to be all right, I promise."  God used a rainbow for a promise with Noah, why not with me?

On Thursday, we drove down to the cities again and Friday morning Tom, Wendy and Erin accompanied me to the scans.  I went through the scans and faced more fears.  But with God at my side, all the kind people at Regions and the support of my family, my fears were squelched quickly.  Tom and I drove back home to Cloquet.  I had just walked into the house and the phone was ringing.  It was the radiologist and she wanted me to get a biopsy on a lymph node that was "suspect" and tell me the time of my appointment with the oncologist on Monday.  My heart sank again ... the whole gambit of emotions again.  Tom just held me and let me cry.  We cried together and held each other tight.

Saturday morning we awoke to the phone ringing.  I ran down the stairs and it was Erin.  I answered the phone and she said,  "are you ready for some good news?"  And I said I sure could use some.  She said the oncologist had called her (her name was first on the contact list) and said that after looking at the MRI and PET scans and that the cancer was confined to the left breast and not anywhere else in my body. He didn't want me to worry about the results for the whole weekend.  I hung up the phone and shouted thanksgiving to God and ran up the stairs to jump for joy into Tom's arms.  Later that morning, Wendy, Kevin, Erin and Jake came to Cloquet.  The guys worked on the new fence and Wendy and Erin took me to Duluth for a haircut and eyebrow wax.  Wendy even cut her hair into a pixie cut so I wouldn't be the only one with short hair (or no hair when the chemo starts).  They also bought breast cancer t-shirts for themselves, me and Michelle and Lori.

On Monday a.m., Tom, Michelle, Lori, Erin and Wendy and I (us girls with a show of support were wearing our t-shirts) went to meet with the oncologist.  He explained everything so well and everyone got their questions asked and explained to them.  I chose to have a masectomy on the left breast and possibly take out the suspect lymph node at the same time.  The surgery will be followed with chemotherapy (2-5 months) and radiation (33 days, M-Fr for 6 1/2 weeks) and estrogen-blocking drugs for 5 years after that.  Things were looking bright!!!  I had hope!!  Thank you God.  I had to go back to radiology for a biopsy on the suspect lymph node.  After that, it was back to the waiting game.

Today, Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 4:00 p.m., the pathologist called with the news that there was no cancer in the lymph node!!!!!  Oh my gosh ........................ God is good.  I feel like I'm a walking miracle.  Tomorrow we meet with the surgeon and hopefully, we'll know more about treatment.  Like, how long chemo will have to be, etc. 

I think God has a plan for me ........... I better listen carefully ............ I want to do and be who God wants me to be.