New Week ....

Well, I think I'm going to survive!!  Last week kicked me in the bootie!  I have lists and lists of things to discuss with my Oncologist.  I wrote everything down and maybe next time won't be so bad.  Today I woke up feeling 100% better.  I'm sleeping and I have some energy today.  My blanket and pillow have been my constant companion this past week, but I'm ready to tackle some laundry and start some Christmas baking.  God is good ... He lifts us up and carries us through the times we can't .... I found that out .... the hard way.

Pain, pain, go away .....

Wednesday and Thursday were pretty awful.  The pain was down in my bones.  It was very achy and I tried taking some Tylenol and that would work for a bit.  I'll see if next round of chemo there won't be something I can take for that.  I found I'm not very good at withstanding pain.  Not nearly as "strong" as I thought I could be.  Tears flowed pretty easily yesterday, but you know what?  I slept last night (finally) and the pain has lessened considerably today.  I'm turning the corner ... until next time and maybe next time we can control it a bit.

So, far ... so good

Well, it's Wednesday.  2 days after chemo.  Good news ... no nausea (maybe a bit of queasy now and then, but nothing much).  I am having a little trouble sleeping, but as of today, I don't have to take the steroids until the next round, so maybe that will help with the sleeping.  I am a bit achy, but that's to be expected too.  Nothing I can't handle though.  Glad we are home before the storm hits and we can just put a log in the fireplace and hunker down for the next few days.  I think it will be a few lazy days ahead for us.  That's not a bad thing.  I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and tell you I am thankful for all your love, prayers and support!

One Chemo down ... Five to go!!

Yesterday I had to start taking steroids for three days.  I didn't think much of it.  Went to bed early so that I could have a good night's sleep for my first chemo session.  I was anxious and I will have to admit, I was down right scared.  Scared of the unknown.  Well, at 1:30 a.m., I was still wide awake and had a roaring headache and some nausea.  Nausea!!!!  Was I going to throw up BEFORE treatment?  I got up and took some Tylenol.  Back to bed ... 2:30 .... noonie noo ... still awake!  I got up and went and laid down on the couch.  Well, somewhere around 4:00 a.m., I feel asleep only to have to wake up at six.  We needed to leave early because of the slippery road.  Two hours sleep and I was tired!!!  Got to the hospital at 8:00.  After the blood drawn and the doctor going over the results, we were finally in our room at 10:00 to begin the treatment.  They all went very well and I tolerated them very well also.  I have a lot of nausea medicine to take should I feel sick.  If they don't seem to be working, I'm to call and they will try another kind.  They said there is no reason I should feel sick with all the medications that are available.  Well, anyway, I told the Dr. about my no night of sleep.  Then he told me that a side affect of this steroid is insomnia and anxiety!!!  Also, I will probably have insomnia tonight and tomorrow too.  We are heading home tomorrow to stay ahead of the weather.  Keep those prayers coming because they are certainly working.  I will journal that next few days to see how I feel because these next few days will be exactly what happens after every treatment.  Then I will know what to expect and maybe I can counteract something before it begins.  I let you know how these next few days go!

Hair Today ... Gone Tommorrow (or the next couple of weeks)

Yesterday my daughters and my granddaughter Bre went to It's Still Me in St. Louis Park and had a great time.  It's Still Me is a wig shop where Jan, the owner, is a breast cancer survivor herself and she provides one on one appointments with women who are looking for a wig during their chemo.  We had so much fun!  The girls all had their cameras (and took some shots that they can later use for blackmail) and I tried on a lot of wigs, along with scarves and caps.  The second one I tried on was the one I eventually got.  I am so happy because Jan matched my hair and style so close to my own.  She has given me confidence to face this next hurdle with little trepidation.  We laughed as she put me in short curly wigs, and LONG haired wigs.  Neither style was for me, but gave us some really good laughs.  Then we tried on scarves and hats.  The hats were a hoot, and I'll probably have to give in and get one with our Minnesota winters upon us.  The girls surprised me by buying me scarves, hats, brush, shampoo and all the other necessities I needed so that all I had to purchase was my wigs.  That was a surprise to me and very emotional.  They are the best and without their love and support, I wouldn't know what to do.  With the wig shopping done we all went to Red Robin Restaurant for a wonderful lunch.  Tomorrow, I have my first chemotherapy sessions.  I am ready to now to take this journey to the "getting better" stage!  Please keep me in your prayers tomorrow.  Thank you!

The Wave .... of emotions

I've been doing so well.  Upbeat, good attitude, good outlook, all of that stuff.  Well, this morning while in the shower getting ready to go to the hospital to have my port put in, a wave of emotion overtook me.  It came out of the blue ... tears .... where it came from and why, I'm not sure.  I think you just need to let it come, cry and be done with it.  After the first wave came, we went to Regions and I had my port put in.  It wasn't painful to have done, but it is not really comfortable now.  I'm sure I'll get used to it after the soreness wears off and it's not so tender.  The process went very smoothly.  I'm glad to have the port in because now I don't need to be a pin cushion anymore.  When they need to take blood from now on, they'll use the port!  Yipee!
After the procedure, we drove home to Cloquet.  Then the second wave hit .... tears again.  Granted, the incisions hurt a little, but not that much.  I guess this rollercoaster will be for a while.  I can do this though, it's not forever.  We do have a fun week planned ahead.  I'm ready to do something FUN!!

Plans Change ........

The best laid plans are often changed.   After relooking at my chemo options, researching the drugs involved and discussing them with some special people (Katie), I have decided to go with Alternative 2 of the chemo plan (the results are equal to Alternative 1, just some different drugs are used).  I will be getting chemo every three weeks for a year.  With our travelling such a long distance, this plan will work better for us and our family.  The best thing is that I do have some control of my treatment.  There were no questions asked when I switched plans.  Today I had a MUGA scan.  After they drew some blood, they took it and I think they added something radioactive to it and put it back in my body and then I had to go to a room with a very narrow bed and lay on it.   A huge camera focused close to my chest and it took pictures of my heart to make sure I could withstand the chemo.  I passed the test, so that's good.  Tomorrow I will have a procedure where they will put a port just below my collar bone, under the skin, and run a tube up to the artery in your neck.  All of it is under your skin.  This port will allow them to just insert the needle for chemo there every time without having to poke into your veins every time you have your session.  I will have to be put under for that, so that's not so exciting.  Michelle, Tom and I attended the chemo classes which were very helpful.  Not so scary now that I know what will happen and where it will take place.  We got to tour the chemo "lounge" ... like you could really lounge there?  My chemo will probably take about 4 1/2 hours the first time and will decrease some after that.  The first time the IV is given slowly so they can monitor how you will tolerate it.  When I got home, I got a call from the lady who did the prothesis and she gave me good news that my insurance would cover more bras and another prothesis!  I made a phone call to "It's Still Me" (a place I can get a wig made ... http://www.itsstillme.com/)  and me and my girls will go for a private session and make a day of trying on wigs and seeing what suits me best.  We're going to bring our cameras so we can scrapbook this day.  I will probably lose my hair by the middle of December and I want to be able to look somewhat nice for the holidays.  Along this journey I have met so many people who have made it easier.  Many, many who have travelled this road ahead of me ................. you just never know when God's going to place someone in your life ... even if it's just for the moment.

Random Thoughts .... my swirling mind

You never know in your life if you "touch" someone ... it just doesn't come up in conversation.  I have to tell you that I have been touched by each and everyone of you by your support and love and most importantly, your prayers.  You never know how much you mean to someone, but I've found that out a thousand times over.  My 7 year old grandson Alex put everything into words that I was thinking when the diagnosis was given me.  "I don't want my Nana to die", "I hate cancer", "Mom, is it okay if I'm sad?", "Mom, is it okay if I'm mad too?"  These are things that run through a 7 year olds' mind, but those exact words were running through my own mind!  "I don't want to die", "I hate cancer", "Is it okay if I'm sad?", "Is it okay if I'm angry?"  How intuitive a child is that they can express what we're thinking?  My granddaughter, Ellie, age 6, touched my heart with a page in her journal that read "I'm so excited, because today my Nana is going to the hospital to get the sickness out!"  Those too were my feelings.  God said, Let the little children come unto me and that we should think like a child.  I can see now why He spoke those words.  They trust, they are innocent and they are very intuitive.  Other random thoughts have run through my head, like .... "Do I really want to go through a year of chemotherapy?"  "What will happen if I don't?"  Well, I can say this, while these thoughts were very real, they weren't an option ... my husband said, "God wouldn't have protected you these past 4 1/2 years and brought you to this point if He didn't think you could go through with this."  And he was right ... why should I even think those thoughts when I've come this far!!  There's still a long way to go and some of my therapy is writing all these feelings down ... it puts things into perspective for me.

The Long Journey Continues ... and I do mean long

Today was a long, hectic day.  We left Cloquet for a 2:00 appointment at Regions with the protheses woman.  That went great!  I got all fitted and it feels so good.  She was amazing.  She took one look at me and reached into her "bag of goodies" and picked it out the first try!  Then, had an appointment with Physical Therapy.  They were happy to see that I had been doing all my exercises and that my range of motion in my arm was so good.  I will continue to do these and soon that arm will be back to normal.  At 4:00 Tom, me, Michelle, Erin, and Wendy went in to the oncologist.  The news was shocking!!!  I'm scared, but I know I can make it through this with God by my side.  Because of the size of the tumor and because there were 2 cancerous lymph nodes, it was a Stage III invasive cancer.   I will begin chemo on Friday, November 19th.  It will be one day of chemo every other week for two months -- that is Part 1.  Next I will have chemo one day a week for 12 weeks -- that is Part 2.  Finally, I will have chemo one day a week every 3 weeks for nine (yes, that is a nine) months -- that is Part 3.    During Part 3 I will simultaneously (at some point) have 6 1/2 weeks of radiation.  When all 3 parts are finished I will begin taking estrogen-blocking pills daily for 5 years.  So, for the next 14 months I'll be having chemo.  Well, let's get this show on the road!!!  The sooner we tackle this, the sooner we'll be done!  Thursday I have to have blood work done and Friday I go have a port put in so they can hook up to the same vein every time.  The port will be under the skin and left there the whole time.  I'm thinking I'd better start looking at some wigs because I'm going to be bald a long time .... who knows, maybe I'll like my new look and keep my head shaved!  :)  Well, I'll be keeping you informed of my progress and please continue the prayers.  Also, if anyone would like to sit with me during a chemo session, I'm sure Tom would love a break and I'd like your company, so let me know.  Love to all of you!  And NOW let's kick some cancer booty!!

God hears prayers .... always.

Today I woke up and felt a feeling of anxiety.  It was time to go find out the pathology results of last week's surgery.  Of course I wanted to know, but also was afraid to know.  Tom and I got drove down to Regions .  Barb at the Breast Care Center went over the pathology report with us right away.  We got the BEST NEWS that we could ever have gotten!  No cancer anywhere.  The lymphnodes they removed were negative with no signs of cancer and where they reopened the breast, there was no cancer.  Everything benign!!!  It's a good thing God had me in His arms because when I heard the news, I actually thought my knees would buckle from relief.  Barb then removed all my drains which were well taken care of by Lori and that was such a relief to have them out.  Barb then gave both Tom and I big hugs.  Still I am in awe.  We then went and scheduled for Tuesday, November 9th an appointment with a woman who will fit me for a prosthesis, an appointment with a physical therapist and an appointment with Dr. J., my oncologist.  He will now figure out the course for the rest of my treatment.  When chemo will start and for how long.  The girls and Tom will all be there for our meeting with Dr. J.  Tuesday will be a busy day.  When we got in the car to go home, I cried tears of joy and couldn't stop thanking God for hearing all of your prayers.  My thanks to all of you is sincere and heartfelt.  I'm only one third of the way to recovery, but with God's and your support I can do this!!!  LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!!