Random Thoughts .... my swirling mind

You never know in your life if you "touch" someone ... it just doesn't come up in conversation.  I have to tell you that I have been touched by each and everyone of you by your support and love and most importantly, your prayers.  You never know how much you mean to someone, but I've found that out a thousand times over.  My 7 year old grandson Alex put everything into words that I was thinking when the diagnosis was given me.  "I don't want my Nana to die", "I hate cancer", "Mom, is it okay if I'm sad?", "Mom, is it okay if I'm mad too?"  These are things that run through a 7 year olds' mind, but those exact words were running through my own mind!  "I don't want to die", "I hate cancer", "Is it okay if I'm sad?", "Is it okay if I'm angry?"  How intuitive a child is that they can express what we're thinking?  My granddaughter, Ellie, age 6, touched my heart with a page in her journal that read "I'm so excited, because today my Nana is going to the hospital to get the sickness out!"  Those too were my feelings.  God said, Let the little children come unto me and that we should think like a child.  I can see now why He spoke those words.  They trust, they are innocent and they are very intuitive.  Other random thoughts have run through my head, like .... "Do I really want to go through a year of chemotherapy?"  "What will happen if I don't?"  Well, I can say this, while these thoughts were very real, they weren't an option ... my husband said, "God wouldn't have protected you these past 4 1/2 years and brought you to this point if He didn't think you could go through with this."  And he was right ... why should I even think those thoughts when I've come this far!!  There's still a long way to go and some of my therapy is writing all these feelings down ... it puts things into perspective for me.